Twenty weeks ago I became a mom of two which is way different than becoming a mom again. I’m eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s so that should be enough to tell you how the week went (and the fact that I’m 3 days into next week). It’s funny though how even with the struggles, frustrations, exhaustion, burnout etc there’s still so much joy. 

We are all adjusting to the time change. A 5:30p bedtime isn’t much fun at 4am but I will say the quiet and stillness and those big blue eyes staring at me: it’s a sweetness that’s hard to capture. Even in the moment when I so desperately wish we were back asleep I pause to remember it because this need he has for me is so fleeting and when he does finally, thankfully fall asleep I can’t help but give my daughter a quick snuggle too. As she squirms away from me in her sleep I can hardly remember her eyes so big when she was the size of her brother. It’s all so endless and fleeting. 

The scale blinked 169 at me this week. It’s funny where my mind goes. 169 is the 160s which is really close to the 150s which is what I was at after we lost our baby which means I’m only 15 pounds away from “pre-pre-pre pregnancy” weight. It’s really still about 30 pounds but it made me feel less bad about rummaging through Halloween candy. Haha 🙂 Truthfully I was pondering my thoughts from last week about really loving my body right now, maybe the first time ever in my life and really realized how huge that is considering how betrayed and detached I felt by my body after we lost 2 babies before Ian came and how healing it’s been to have him in our lives. 

Facebook is reminding me about where I was 4 years ago just shy of our wedding day. It’s so amazing to think all that transpired for that to happen and the fact that my whole family went all the way to Guatemala to be apart of it. It’s really touching my heart. 

So to sum up: life goes so fast stop for Ben and Jerry’s or whatever gives you joy. (Enjoy the cute little photo bomb this week.)

*i have no affiliation with Ben and Jerry’s it just floats my boat. Half baked or peanut butter fudge core are my favorite in case you were wondering 😉